Learning to Suffer Well

Sitting defeated on the small stairs in the prayer chapel, overwhelmed by life and sophomore year of college, I, like Job, sat before God in the depths of my brokenness. With waves of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (due to the trauma of sexual abuse that had surfaced), and bouts of anxiety and depression, I begged God to take it all away. Not only was my soul in turmoil, my body felt deeply sick due to the manifestation of the inner anguish. Why would a good and loving God let me suffer so much? Why would He let me sit here in the ashes of despair and the broken pottery of infliction?

A still, small voice broke into my heart...
"I will not take it away, but I will walk with you through it." The voice of the Lord entered my suffering. He presented me with a choice: I could choose to walk away from God, refusing His help, since He allowed me to come into this pit of suffering in the first place, or I could invite God into my suffering, take Him at His word and walk with Him through my brokenness.

In the coolness of the prayer chapel, I prayed without words, joining hands with God in a journey that would change the course of my life.

As followers of Jesus, we will all face suffering in our lives. How we engage that suffering, I believe, will determine the outcome. We can either turn our backs on God and miss the opportunity of walking with Him or as best we can, come to Him, knowing on deeper levels the heart of a loving, compassionate and healing God.

If we choose to follow Jesus on the road of suffering, we must learn to suffer well. Learning to suffer well is developing an attitude and stance that engages our suffering with purpose, self-care and community. The attitude of suffering well acknowledges the difficulty we face, extending ourselves grace by not beating ourselves up, but letting us embrace the condition of our suffering.

Jesus was a person familiar with suffering in His own life. He also took upon Himself every pain and difficulty we would ever receive in our lives (Isaiah 53:3-4). We can identity with our God, Jesus, who has experienced our suffering and says, "I will walk with you through it."

We can identify with Job, who suffered to the core of his very soul, losing everything that he valued and held dear to his heart (Job 1-2). We can find comfort in knowing someone like us suffered, and God was still there.

Further, our human frailty often seeks out purpose in the midst of suffering. What is the purpose? Why is this happening to me? I think there are some forms of suffering, such as losing a spouse or child that might not ever receive answers, we might not ever "find purpose" in them exactly. In those instances we have to entrust the reason to God. But for other forms of suffering, Scripture tells us, "We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us" (Romans 5:3-5). Suffering increases our capacity to endure, which produces the character of Jesus in our hearts, which ultimately produces hope and our hope is found in the assurance of who God is with us and that His Spirit dwells within our hearts. There is purpose in suffering. We must learn to suffer well.

And let's be realistic. Suffering breaks us down - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to love ourselves well. Do you like frozen yogurt? Treat yourself and enjoy each spoonful of delight. Do you like to drink tea while gazing at the beauty of God's creation? Then sip warmth and be embraced by God's arms. Do you just like to be with friends, not doing much, but just being? Then join with your friends, resting in their presence. In suffering, we need to be kind to ourselves, recognizing the state of our brokenness and loving ourselves in ways that will produce life and grace.

Without community we will not be able to suffer well, but instead turn inward to our own devices of despair. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). We need to surround ourselves with safe, loving people who will listen more than talk, give more than take, and pray more than counsel. We cannot heal ourselves, but an outside Source must come into our situation and give us what we do not have. As we foster transparent community with God, safe people and ourselves, only then will we find progress on our journey to healing.

Will some of our deep wounds ever find complete and full healing? Probably not. I can tell you that even though God has done some significant inner healing, I still find certain scars will ache at times. That is when I draw into the arms of my loving Father and receive His embrace, trusting Him at His word that He will walk with me through it.


Let us remember that God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)



Jesus, when we face suffering in our lives, may you teach us to walk with you and to suffer well. Amen.




Recommended readings in learning to suffering well:

• The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity, Wm. Paul Young
• Safe people, Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• How People Grow, Henry Cloud & John Townsend